This past weekend was my university's education formal. This means that all the education students were invited to pay a huge amount of $$ for a crappy meal, dress up (and drop said meal on expensive dress), and dance ridiculously with people you know + people you semi-know from your classes (which can get awkward). I decided to go, mostly because I LOVE dressing up, which I've talked about before -- it doesn't matter if I'm dressing up fancy or homeless, I love it all. Plus, most students in this program are out of town (people come to my crappy city for university and boot it outta here the minute they're done). So, I thought I'd be nice to hang out & have an awesome time with people I won't ever see again after April.
That's right. I had glasses, braces, & pimples. Big deal, right? Well, my mom made me take acne medication, which completely dried up my skin which made me flaky and scabby. I was blessed with an abnormally huge amount of body hair & pale skin, which only made matters worse. Plus, I just wasn't cool all around & I was really shy in high school. My prom was lame -- I wore a dress that I'm not too fond of now, my hair was in a simple bun, and my body turned splotchy orange because I incorrectly applied self-tanner. I didn't have a date. Nobody slow danced with me. My friends arrived late, everyone "cool" left early, I looked like an idiot dancing, I spilled food all down my dress, and our after-party consisted of a bon-fire with a couple of people (I HATE bonfires, if you didn't know).
Well, now I'm super-cool, above-average looking (does that make me sound vain?), and people can't get me to shut up. So, I wanted to make some good prom memories. Unfortunately, some things about high school prom were still the same. Although I looked and felt gorgeous, there was of course the token blonde skank who kept standing up at her table & cheering & pulling her dress up so that you could actually see her ass cheeks. There were the popular, cocky guys that were showing off and doing ridiculous dance moves (one of them even pushed past me on the dance floor and I was like, "Oh no you di'n't! I will not have the popular dudes treat me like a loser again!") There were teachers present, professors in this case, which were extremely weird and awkward to be dancing in front of.
The difference this time around, however, is that we were all beyond old enough to drink. Which means that I went ABSOLUTELY NUTS when a Backstreet Boys song came on, and proceeded to dance in front of the smoke machine with my friend while doing dance moves that only the Backstreet Boys themselves would be proud of. Also, a bunch of us left a little bit early so we could go sing karaoke in a scuzzy bar with our fancy dresses. I proceeded to sing "The Thong Song" by Sisqo, by myself, very badly. I vaguely remember yelling into the mic, "This song is dedicated to all my thong-wearing ladies (and men). Put your hands in the air if you're wearing a thong!" One person did. I proceeded to say, "Good, because I'm wearing Granny panties!" I think this night definitely ties with the embarrassment experienced on high school prom night. I guess I can't escape it.
This weekend, I'm dressing in drag, which should be fun. As much as I have already explained to you all that I would rather be a man so I could dress up as a woman, I am still pretty excited to dress up as a man nonetheless. So, I must go practice my beard application. And my ball-grabbing technique. Until next time, folks.