A Stupid Little Secret

This week has been hectic!! As much as I wish I could post more...my workload is getting ridiculous. I don't understand how teachers do it -- planning, writing up lesson plans (which are supposed to be pages and pages long), photocopying shit, making powerpoints, marking papers, attending staff meetings, doing lunch supervisions, reading textbooks, writing report cards, staying late/arriving early to coach teams/study groups/breakfast clubs...it's NUTS. Worst choice of career ever.

Yesterday I taught a "practice" lesson to my peers which I will take to a high school next week (eeeek!) Part of the lesson involved a drawing/colouring activity. I had to provide the colouring materials which, I realized at the last minute, I did not have. I didn't want to buy pencil crayons for 40 people because I am poor & I ended spending tons of money on other materials for this lesson (grrr!) so I called up my dad, who tends to have a lot of craft stuff lying around, and asked if he had any pencil crayons that I could borrow. Remember, My Dad Colours On The Toilet. So he presented me with his giant special bag of pencil crayons that he uses while defecating.

As each person listened and critiqued my lesson (saying stupid things like, "You never explained why racism exists!" and "Your powerpoint is too pink!") I thought to myself, evilly: My Dad uses the very pencil crayons you are holding while taking a shit. Who knows how he wipes his ass while handling them. Who knows if splattering occurs. Who knows when/how/if he washes his hands. Suckers.


To my future students: I may not be able to call you names. I may not be able to use corporal punishment (unless I live in Texas, apparently -- no surprises there!) I may not be able to tell your parents that they should have aborted you. But I do have tricks up my sleeve. Be warned.